The Truth About Overseas Dating Sites
The allure of an exotic woman from the Far East is tempting indeed, and it's true, many men have found true love in the Orient through Internet dating sites. I am one of those men. Internet sites that help you find foreign brides aren't meant to be instant "mail order bride" houses. There's a lot more to it than just paying your fee, and selecting your mate from a collection of pictures. That said, it's certainly possible to find true love with a beautiful woman from Thailand, the Philippines, Japan, or anywhere else in the world, for that matter. But, like any relationship, whether it's with a woman you meet in church who lives in your neighborhood, or with a woman you meet on the Internet who lives in Bangkok, it takes some time. Let me share with you a bit of wisdom I picked up along the way.
1. Take time to get to know her. Chatting on the Internet is a good way to start, but don't commit to marriage before you take a trip and meet face-to-face.
2. Set realistic expectations. It's true that women from the Orient are typically more traditional, but it's not fair to expect to find someone to wait on you hand and foot. Marriage is give-and-take, regardless of what country the two parties are from. Similarly, while it's common for an Asian woman to marry an older man, if you're 60 years old, fat and bald, don't expect to find romance with an 18 year old cutie fresh out of high school. You'll have more in common with a woman that might be 10-15 years younger than you, and in the long run, she will make you happier.
3. Visit her in her home country and stay as long as you possibly can. Take time to get to know her, and also take time to get to know her country and her culture. And learning a bit of the language is always a good idea (it helps to impress your future in-laws!)
4. When you're sorting through all those photos, don't get too taken by first looks. Most of them are posed shots that are taken by an agency, and don't really show the girl's personality. Look for the ones that aren't so obviously glamorous and staged.
5. Similarly, realize that a lot of the ads themselves are also written by the agencies, not the girls themselves, and reveal very little about her true personality. Look for the gems that truly reveal who the girl really is.
6. Realize that there are going to be some expenses involved. She doesn't arrive via UPS the day after you see her picture on the web site. You'll have to make at least one trip, possibly several, to her home country first. While you're there, you will very likely be expected to play host to her friends and relatives, so be graceful and treat them to a nice restaurant once in a while. In some Asian countries, such as Thailand, you may be expected to pay a dowry to the bride's parents, and depending on her social status, this might be a very large amount. And once you're both back in the USA, the expenses aren't over. There are substantial fees involved in immigration processing, and if you're not particularly adept at filling out complicated forms, you may even find you need to hire an immigration lawyer to help you through the process.
A big mistake that a lot of Western men make is to chat for a short time on the Internet with a girl, visit her home country for a couple weeks, and then decide to get married. Yes, you may be in a hurry and lonely, and she may be in a hurry to get to the West, but take as much time as you can to make sure it's really going to work out and that you're meant for each other. If you have the opportunity to do so, spend several months in your girlfriend's hometown. Get to know her, and also get to know her family, her country, and her culture. Learn to appreciate the food, understand her religion if it's different from yours, and understand the local customs. You can't do that in the space of a two week vacation. There's going to be some cultural, religious, and dietary differences, so take time to understand them. At the end of the day, you may find out there's really not that much difference after all.
