The sihn sod
Very soon after you start talking with Thai women, you will no doubt become very familiar with the term "sihn sod." This is the "bride price," or dowry that the man must pay to the woman's family in Thailand. The custom is still widely practiced throughout much of the country, even in Bangkok, and throughout all social classes. The sihn sod is paid in cash, which is prominently displayed at the wedding for all to see.
I've never met a Westerner that likes this custom; in fact, most Thais don't like it either. Nonetheless, this wretched custom persists, and families that don't get it will "lose face." You're on the hook. The amount you must pay will depend on your lady's social class, whether she is educated, whether she has been married before, and whether she has children. If your woman is in the uppermost social strata, you can expect to pay a million baht or more, plus the cost of a lavish wedding at a five-star hotel in downtown Bangkok. For a middle-class family, you might pay 100,000 baht to 500,000 baht. Marrying a girl from a poor Isaan family will probably require less of a sihn sod, which may even be given in the form of land or farm animals to help the family. If she has been married before or has children, or if she works or has worked as a bar girl, then you have every right to expect to pay nothing at all, or just a token amount.
There are circumstances where you might just get off lucky. If the family isn't in any particular financial need, a growing variation of the custom is to allow the husband to pay the sihn sod just for show; and then the family gives it back after the wedding. Some of the country's intelligentsia have chosen to ignore the custom completely, despite the social pressures.
Here's a tip: Learn some of the language and make friends with the family. Until you do, you will be seen as just a foreigner with a big bank account. If you spend some good, quality time with your future in-laws, pick up the tab at dinner, care enough to speak at least a little Thai with them, and respect their culture, then you will be in a much better position to negotiate. The amount requested, and the entire sihn sod itself, is not written in stone. Here's my own story, which begins back when the Kingdom of Thailand was still the Kingdom of Siam:
My wife's grandfather was a nobleman. He had received a political appointment from the King, as well as land and an elephant. My wife still remembers visiting her grandfather when she was a little girl and playing with the elephant on his land. Her grandparents had children, all of whom went on to be very successful members of high society. But one daughter (my wife's mother) was a little different and a bit of a rebel. She fell in love with a poor man. Now even today, rich and poor don't usually marry in Thailand, but back in those days, it was almost unheard of. But the wise grandma thought better of it and took time to know the boy (my wife's father), and came to understand that he was a good man who would take better care of her daughter than any other man would. She allowed the marriage to take place. In time, the happy couple had a family of their own, and became very successful in their own right. When I came along, my wife's father, already widowed, took the time to know me. I was just an average American, not particularly wealthy, and going through struggles of my own. But the wisdom from days gone by was passed down to him, and he saw the same thing in me perhaps, that my wife's grandmother had seen in him. The initial sihn sod was set at a million baht, an amount that was impossible for me to come up with. I was struggling to re-start my life after a bad marriage, and my resources were completely drained. But he was able to look beyond that, and allowed the marriage to take place without the sihn sod.
